How I came to Write, Why I feel Pain

"I was in a bad place when I wrote: (WHY DO I FEEL PAIN ??)

I've been hurting for weeks from the pain in my body the won't go away.
Worried about how I was going to make ends meet with taking time off work to get well with my health. Then Trying to help my daughter, but feeling like no matter what I did it was never right or good enough to please her.
Then angry at her and everyone else because I've been feeling so used, and dumped when I needed everyone to help me.
Because I hurt everytime I tryed to do any type of work, which in return made me really sad and depressed. Making me feel like like was not a good place anymore, and I felt like I was all alone and no one cared about me unless I had something to give them, was feeling really used and not very wanted by anyone.
In return I have become very depressed and didn't know how to make this sadness go away, so I went to see my doctor to get something help me thru this depression, and started seeing a counslor. That was a very bad day when I wrote this for me, I had just started taking the med.
And it made me very out of it, and rummy to where I was sick and just wanted to sleep feel better. Then as I was dealing with my feeling around my daughter and money problems, something else happened that day to make me feel like life just hurt to bad to breath.
I recieved a couple of e-mails, from the man I was suppose to marry a year ago, telling me in a round about way... The women he met last year after we broke up, even tho he has still been seeing me and talking with me since he's been with her. Infact he was just in my bed a few months back, was getting married next moth to this women. As they were expecting in Jan. of next year, telling me all he had left was his memories of us now.
This has really hurt me bad, as I still was very in love with man even tho I knew he was with someone else. I thought he would come back to me if I just waited, because we had been together for over 4-years and were to of been married at that time in a few months. But because of my fears I broke it off with him, instead of trying to talk out things with him, I expected him know what I wanted him to do to prove my love.
And I lost him to someone his family set him up...And it hurt me, and still does.
I guess I don't understand why I can't let go of him in my mind and heart...The pain is so hard, I feel like I'm dying.
So in my pain ...Yes I wrote this, to help me express to myself what I was doing wrong and what I need to do to fix me.
I was fighting with the pain of my body hurting and the pain in my heart from loosing my one true love, fighting with my feelings about my job, and fighting with my daughter & my soon to be daughter in-law.
I was falling apart quickly and not even my own child could see be-on herself to hold me up and hold me to feell I was needed and loved.
I was falling apart and crying out in pain and know one care or even saw I was in need, and that hurt me some much.
I never understood depression, I don't think anyone does...till you walk in the dark shadows alone.
So I yelled said things I shouldn't of, to people I cared about, than came in and sat down and wrote this, on what I was feeling.
As you will read below in my blog titled:"